Be Prepared

As a boomer who married late in life, has no children, and who will probably outlive her husband who is older than she is and is presently battling cancer, I fall in the category of the 40% who will probably end up in a nursing home.  Well, maybe not since I have a community of friends who may pull together to create an environment where we can all age together, providing each other the social and emotional support we may need and pooling our resources to take care of our physical needs.

[by the way this picture is of a girl scout, not me, although I was a girl scout for a couple of years. I am using this picture to reflect the girl scout motto, “Be Prepared.” That explained, back to my entry…..]

I am hopeful.  These friends have been very forthcoming and helpful with my circumstances with my husband.  Since we are all aging at the same time, we may recognize the need to be pro-active in preparing for our twilight years, which is the point of this article.

Mostly, we boomers, especially at this age, are not really thinking about the time when we may become more frail.  The fact is, we are very much not prepared for that time in our lives.  At this stage, we are probably loosing parents and possibly friends or spouses.  But we are still thinking about hiking with friends or traveling rather than being fed by somebody else or having a portable commode next to our beds.

But, and I can’t repeat this enough, now is the time to contemplate where and how we want to be spending those last years or months because NOW is when we can do something about putting everything in place.

According to presentations at the 4th Annual Symposium on Policy and Health, the complexities of family structures in today’s society does not lend itself to the traditional forms of caregiving for the elderly within the family units.  Presently, families perform about 75 percent of elderly care. This can be anything from running errands to full-time caregiving.  We are the group that is doing this caregiving.  But with the out of the box way we have proceeded with our lives,  we need to ask ourselves who will be taking care of us when we need that help?

Then there are the sub-groups such as the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) who may have a more difficult time with care in their more frail years.  Recent research suggests that LGBT seniors are more prone to isolation and psychological distress than their heterosexual peers. Researchers at the University of California Los Angeles’ Center for Health Policy Research reported in a study that half of Californian gay and bisexual men aged 50 to 70 live alone, compared with only 13.4 percent of straight men. More than one in four lesbian and bisexual women in California live alone as well.

Studies show that ethnic minorities rely on family members much more than their white counterparts.  But they are also less likely to seek outside help through social services or the medical establishment. According to studies provided by the American Psychological Association:

Studies show that ethnic minority caregivers provide more care than their White counterparts and report worse physical health than White caregivers (McCann et al, 2000). Several studies have found that African American caregivers experience less stress and depression and garner greater rewards from caregiving than White caregivers (Cuellar, 2002; Haley et al, 2004). Hispanic and Asian American caregivers, however, exhibit more depression than white caregivers (Haley et al, 2004).

Being boomers, we may end up causing a paradigm shift in how we approach our twilight years.  We may even affect how our society looks at the aging process.  We may develop creative ways of approaching support systems to serve our needs as we become more frail.  But unless we focus on this question now, we may end up in a nursing home, with strangers [sometimes — when they are not being pulled in 20 different directions] responding to our needs.

Anyone for the idea of a Commune for the Aging?

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  1. Izabel says:

    Thanks for that! I’m a new caregiver, 7 weeks, and I’ve hit a wall; she won’t go anywhere and I can’t leave. I needed that permission to get some help! So glad I found you. –

    • yvonne says:

      So glad you found me too! Caregiving can be stressful, but it is also rewarding ….if you have a support system in place. Otherwise, it just becomes stressful and there are far too many stories out there of elder abuse.
      Support systems could be other family members, friends of the person you are caregiving, a paid employee. I find that the magic number for support is between three and five people, depending on the demands.
      Good luck to you.

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